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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27547210">When Chrysanthemum Blossom</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercy_Wonder/pseuds/Mercy_Wonder'>Mercy_Wonder</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dimidue Week [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Death, Deathbed Confession, Dimidue Paired Ending, Dimidue Week (Fire Emblem), Loss, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Regrets, fatal sickness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:40:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,812</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27547210</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercy_Wonder/pseuds/Mercy_Wonder</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dedue has always been by his king's side. When he falls to illness, he has no other choice but to watch over him, dreading the inevitable. </p><p>On their final day together, Dedue is still not ready for their goodbyes. It is too soon. There are too many things left unsaid.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Dedue Molinaro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Dimidue Week [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1752502</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When Chrysanthemum Blossom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my entry for Dimidue week day four:  Despair/Destruction ; Regret.<br/>I hope you will like it! :3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It is too bright in the royal bedroom. Or maybe it is only Dimitri's pale face reflecting its whiteness everywhere in Dedue's vision.</p><p>It has been many months since Dimitri fell ill. With a sickness so strong that suddenly, the king couldn’t move from his chambers. Dedue suspects that he began to feel bad long before, but it didn’t stop him from working always as hard. He hid his condition from everyone until it wasn’t possible anymore. It was Dedue who found him first when he came knocking on his door to get him for the day. The only reply he got were coughing and when he entered, he found his king on the floor. He will never forget the panic that rose in him at the sight.</p><p>The best healers from all of Fódlan were summoned to help the king, but no one could guess what evil was plaguing him. After a month of intensive examinations, Dimitri decided to put an end to this. There was no hope of recovery. He was dying, ans there was nothing to do against it. Dedue understood his decision, but it never made it easier to accept it. He still had to watch the man he pledged his life to slowly slip away from him. Since then, he spent all of his time by his king's bedside. He never felt more powerless.</p><p>His king never looked so weak, so sick, even in the days he will forever call his darkest when he barely survived on scraps, fighting only accompanied by ghosts. His one eye is starring at the ceiling, in the distance, red and blinking slowly. Dedue can tell it takes a lot of strength to only keep it open. The dark circles under his eye are deep because of exhaustion. The blond of his hair is dull, the strands spread on his pillow in a disorganized mess. For a moment, Dedue longs to comb them. But quickly reminds himself that it would be useless. He isn't even sure if Dimitri has the strength to sit upright. </p><p>The sound of his uneven breathing fills his ears and he feels like suffocating each time his king is agitated by a fit of coughing. But even if he hates to hear him suffering this way, it is the only thing that really tells him that he is still here. His body is incredibly still under the white sheets and thick furs. Safe for the hand clenching in pain in the long and soft hair, and then going limp. Each moment all tension leaves his weak body makes Dedue's heart stop. Until he hears his difficult breathing again and he allows himself to breath again with him.</p><p>Dedue stares at this pale hand clutched in the fur, and he desperately wants to hold it in his own. Hold it close and never let it go. Keep it with him. Keep him with him. But he knows that no hold would be strong enough to keep his king with him. Not when he has fallen into such a devastating sickness. And all he can do is keep a watch on his deathbed, as he always swore to stay by his sides no matter the circumstances.</p><p>"Dedue..." Dimitri's voice raises lowly, strained.</p><p>"I'm here your Majesty."</p><p>Dimitri gives him a look that tells him that he knows. He will always be there, by his sides. Nowhere else. Never.</p><p>He breathes in, slowly. And in his eye circled in black, Dedue sees the exhaustion. His king is at his limits. And while a part of him wonders why he stays, why he does not yet claim the peace that he has earned a long time ago, another part of him keeps on praying to any gods who might be listening to spare him. Spare his heart. He cannot even stand the weight of the knowledge that his king might soon be gone. That he might soon have to learn how to live without him. All the time since the announcement of his sickness, he pushed the thought away and away, receding in his duty to keep his place at his sides.</p><p>"Dedue... We... We did it, didn't we?" He says, looking right in front of him at the ceiling. </p><p>Dedue knows he has to answer, but he does not trust himself to hold appearances. Not so close. Not when he sees him so far already. He tries helplessly to relax the way his jaw is clenched in an effort to prevent his breathing from collapsing into sobbing when he opens his mouth. "What, my king?"</p><p>"Duscur... Your people, and my people. We... We brought them justice."</p><p>"Yes, yes you did your Majesty. You brought justice for... For everyone." </p><p>Everyone but himself, Dedue thinks bitterly. What justice is there in his fate? His king worked so hard to repair what previous generations had broken. He never took a moment to rest, as much as Dedue insisted. And just when they were finally as close as they could ever get, when Duscur was just freed from the grasp of United Kingdom of Fódlan, he fell to illness. He could not even enjoy the world he had built. He sees no fairness in that.</p><p>Dimitri frowns and shakes his head. "No, we-" </p><p>He's interrupted by a fit of coughing rising in his throat from his lungs. His hands spasm and curl in tight fists in the fur covering his bed. While his king is overtaken by this violent coughing fit, Dedue can only wince. Seeing him in this state makes him feel so much pain on the inside. In this instant, all he wants is for his Majesty to grab his hand instead, hold on to him, crush it with his last strength to make his physical pain as strong as the one breaking him from the inside.</p><p>Finally, the coughing stops, and Dimitri breathes again as normally as he can. But Dedue sees the brightness in his eye. The unshed tears of pain. Despite everything, Dimitri tries again. "We, Dedue. You were with me, all… all along. Without you… I am not sure I could have carried on..."</p><p>Despite all the faith he has in him, Dedue cannot believe him. He knows his king is a great man. He would have carried on their promise no matter what. He already proved it during the war. Even when he was immobilized because of his injuries, his Majesty kept on fighting. He would have achieved all he needed with or without him. But sitting next to his death bed, he doesn't find it in him to argue. Nor does he agree.</p><p>"My friend…" Dimitri says, scolding as much as can in his weakened state.</p><p>It was this word. The one Dedue had so much difficulties to put on their relationship. This word and so many others. But the rest only rarely came in a discussion between the two of them. Except for this one. Friends. It was what his king always wanted them to be. He remembers him trying so hard back in their academic days to make him see that they could be more than a prince and his vassal. It seemed like his personal mission. What he didn't know until later was that the feeling was reciprocated. How much it was. Dedue had always wanted them to be friends but too many things got in the way when they were only boys with not power. It was only a few years after the end of the war that Dedue finally felt that he could call him his friend.</p><p>Until… something happened. Something else slid into his thoughts. Without warning. He isn't even sure when it really started. For as long as he can remember, he always looked upon his prince with fondness. And that fondness turned into something else as he matured over the years. Or maybe it was always the same thing, but he couldn't understand it then. But that is not something he wants to address. This kind of love is hopeless, he knows it well. There is no place for this between a king and his vassal. Even if they were not both men. But their gender is yet another problem. Another reason why this kind of love is best secured in the deepest pit of his heart. Not talked about. Not thought about.</p><p>There is no need to qualify his undying love for his dying friend. There is really little use for words or title. There is love, and that is really all that matters. There was always love between the two of them ever since they met. And Dedue doesn't know what he will have when his friend will be gone.</p><p>"My k-..." He corrects himself. "Dimitri…"</p><p>Dimitri slowly turns his face to him. He lets his head rest on its side and looks at Dedue with a pale eye. This way, he can too painfully see the cutting edges of his cheekbones. His face is hollow no matter of Dedue makes sure he eats enough. He is at is limit, devoured from the inside by this curse, this unknown sickness. But there is an effortless smile on his lips. Dedue knows why. It was always the same. A smile so innocently happy whenever he said those three syllables. Had he known it was so easy to make his king smile, he never would have held back. He could be saying his name until his last breath, it would never be enough. </p><p>"I wish…” Dimitri breathes in slowly. “I had more time. To make you understand… how truly cherished you are."</p><p>Time. It's only now that Dedue understands their time together was always limited. They never really had time. At first it was so hard to communicate and understand each other. They were from different countries, different backgrounds. And when this gap was closed, Dedue wasted it with useless formalities and worries of Dimitri's reputation. It was all his fault and he didn't want to bring any prejudices onto the future king. At the time he thought they had their whole lives to correct Faerghus's view of Duscur and then, they could be friends like they always wanted to.</p><p>But how could he know? How could he know what fate awaited him? The war broke out so suddenly. They always had to put their lives at risk before that, with all the tasks given by the Monastery. But it was never as perilous as during the war. They never faced greater risks. Ones that would separate them for five long years. When they reunited they didn't have time to do anything else but fight for their lives each day. When the war was over, there was always too much to do. Bury the dead, rebuild what the war had destroyed, bring justice to the people of Duscur.</p><p>Now he regrets so painfully the time he wasted with formalities when they were young. </p><p>"Had I known…" Dedue begins.</p><p>"But you could not.” Dimitri reassures him. “You have nothing to blame yourself for. You were the best I could ever ask for I… I'm truly grateful to have had you by my sides… until the end. My... “</p><p>Dimitri coughs, too much, again. He manages to bring his hand in front of his mouth, but when his coughing fit finally calms down, Dedue sees the red tainting his hand. Dimitri tries to hide it, quickly bringing it back into the furs of his bed. Dedue doesn't have the heart to make any comments. He lets him resume what was interrupted. </p><p>“My cherished friend.” He murmurs.</p><p>Dedue doesn’t say a thing, as usual when his friend calls him by this word. It is not the first time or the second, but he suddenly feels afraid that it might be the last. If he doesn't reply, it is only because he fears he could not keep his calm if he tried to open his mouth. These words, the emotions in his friend's voice... it all seems to much like a goodbye. He dreaded this moment all of his life. And even though he knows they were so lucky to make it this far, it is still much too early. He is not ready. Not yet.</p><p>But Dimitri is not bothered by his lack of words. Dedue is sure he knows him too well by now to be surprised by his silences. If he needs to speak, he knows he will. But he seems to have too many important things to say before… the inevitable, so he resumed his speech.</p><p>“I told you this so often but I… I need to know… If you ever understood the true meaning behind these words.”</p><p>“The true meaning?” Dedue asks, taken by surprise even though a part of him is convinced he knows what this is about. What they always were about.</p><p>“I… Well that confirms my thoughts…” Dimitri takes a deep breath. A breath that quivers at the end, making Dedue worry that another coughing fit might take him. But it does not. Maybe Dimitri manages to hold it back, strong with the importance of the things he needs to say. “I'm sorry Dedue. You do not deserve to… know it. Not now. Not as I am just about to leave this world. To leave you. It is only selfish of me but... There is one last thing I need to confess."</p><p>To hear him say it is yet different. One last thing. Of course he knew it would eventually happen. Ever since he learned of his sickness. But to hear it this way only makes it too real. It will be the last time they have together. If Dedue had known... He feels that he wasted to much time, when they had so little. But he swallows back his emotions. He has to be strong until the end.</p><p>“What is it Dimitri?”</p><p>“With time I... I never stopped to think we could be more.”</p><p>Once again, Dedue is left speechless. Though it is not surprise or shock that he feels. It is more akin to desperation once the realization is passed. Of course he did. They both did. They loved each other from the start and had he not insisted on maintaining decorum, they could have had what they wanted. Long before they were forced to part. Because it seems like the obvious truth to him now, he only feels regret for what their life together could have been. Had it not been for the war, for the discrimination against his people, or even for the way their kind of love is received in this country.</p><p>“Dedue, you are everything I could ever ask for. You were always so strong and... and kind.” Dimitri carries on. Now that he started to spill his heart out, he cannot stop. “I was so happy each time you pledged that you would spend your life by my side. Your devotion always meant a lot to me but I could not stop myself from wanting more.”</p><p>His voice strain and sure enough, at the end of his sentence he is taken once again by a fit of coughing. This time, he cannot hide it. Dedue sees too well the blood on his mouth, spilling slowly from the corner of his lips. He watches again his hand convulse in the fur and thinks again of offering his for him to squeeze in pain. But Dimitri's chest stops shaking and his voice brings back Dedue's attention to his face and the heart-clenching smile he give him. So thin, full of sadness and regrets. He fears that it is the only one he has the strength to give.</p><p> “I never wanted to make you uncomfortable with my feelings so I kept them to myself... All of this time... But now, I believe you deserve the truth. If I had a little more time, I would have tried to confess properly. Offer you the life of a king by my side. B-But I fear that...” </p><p>"Then" Dedue interrupts him. He is not sure to be able to hear the rest. Hear that it is too late, that they both left fear and doubt take their happiness from them. He knows the painful truth. But he doesn't want it to be what he remembers of Dimitri. If it is really their last moments together... He grabs his hand, as he always wanted to do. The hand clenched in the fur. He holds on to it. He holds on to him. For as long as he can. And he gathers the courage to speak what he could not for his entire life. "With the time we have left, my... Love."</p><p>Dimitri manages to look surprised, through his exhaustion. His eyes widen along with his smile, but too quickly it all falls away. "You are being too kind. You don't need to indulge the wish of a dying man..."</p><p>Dedue can see, even now and after all of these years, Dimitri can't believe it. He wonders what he did wrong, to make him think that his love for him is so impossible to believe. Was it the distance he put between them because of his origins? Or maybe it is just in the way he acts. He was never one too talented with words, and he never knew how to show affection. Mainly due to the fact that he never thought it appropriate, considering their relationship. But he should have seen it. He should have understood sooner what Dimitri meant when he said he cherished him. There was a reason why he said it to him only. </p><p>"I'm not being kind, Dimitri." He squeezes his hand. "I'm using your last moments. It has always been you for me... Always. you were to only one… and I... You have always been my... and now I feel that I have wasted so much of your precious time..." His throat is too tight, he struggles to only form coherent sentences as Dimitri squeezes back, too weak. He barely feels it, so weak compared to the strength he once had. But he has to hold on. Stay strong, for him, as long as he will need it. As long as he will.</p><p>But his words seem to reach him. Finally, disbelief disappears from Dimitri's eye. "To think that I could be deserving of your love…"</p><p>"How could you not be?” This time, it's Dedue who cannot believe what he hears. “Of the both of us, it is I who… I never imagined you could love me back."</p><p>"I did. I do.” Dimitri smiles, but suddenly, Dedue feels that it's not him he is looking at. He already seems so distant, despite their hands clasped together. “I am glad… I leave you in a just world… I… If only we could have enjoyed it... a little bit more... Together..."</p><p>Inevitably, he falls silent. No more words can reach him. And when the hand in Dedue's goes limp, he breaks. The room is too quiet. The silence is a heavy stone crushing his lungs. As soon as he opens his mouth to try to bring some air to his lungs, his entire being his shaken by a violent sob.</p><p>Dedue cannot be strong anymore. Facing the now lifeless body of the man he loved more than anything, he who was always so resilient in battle collapse. This is the hit he can never recover from. Tears fall free from his eyes, streaming down his face. The weight of the loss it too much to bear. His body folds on itself and all he can do is is wail. </p><p>When the healers who kept a close watch on the king's health arrive, they find them like this. Dimitri's lifeless body in his bed and a crying Dedue clutching his cold hand with one hand, covering his face with the other. The king's vassal needs more time to stop crying. Even more to start moving out of the chambers. </p><p>For the next month, all of Fódlan is in mourning. King Dimitri was beloved by all, and his death, though not surprising since he was bedridden for months, causes a lot of pain. The united kingdom tries to carry on without his guidance and decide of a new ruler. Dedue is invited to every political meeting following his king's passing, though he does not feel the strength to attend them. When Dimitri was sick, he was the one making sure that Fodlan did not crumble. Dimitri's death took all hope from him, but he knows that he would not want him to give up on their hard work. </p><p>Dimitri never married and had no heir to take the throne after his passing. Now Dedue understands that he was partly to blame. He knows he will forever regret his cowardice. His king loved him too, but he could never be gather the courage to be honest with him and with his feelings. If he had, they would have spent so much more time together. They could have had their own family, children... He immediately refuses to take over as regent, and instead insists that they let the people decide who their next leader should be. He gets odd looks from the nobles and politicians, but it was a long term project of Dimitri. One which he could never see achieved. Slowly, it is the solution that is accepted.</p><p>When the political turmoil made by the late king's departure is finally settled, Dedue decides to retire from his post in the royal castle. His allegiance was always to Dimitri, and no one else. The walls there contain too many painful memories of moments passed, moments not appreciated enough and moments that could never be.</p><p>Instead, he takes his post at Dimitri's grave. The past months were most destructive for him than years of war. He feels so lost without him. The only way to stay with him is to dedicate the rest of his life to him. Taking care of his grave feels like he is still able to take care of him, and on particularly bad days, seeing the engraved portrait in the marble of his gravestone soothes him. He lost so many loved ones, and time is a curse to the mind. With time, he began to forget the faces of his own family. He cannot forget Dimitri's.</p><p>To honor his memory, Dedue grows flowers around his king's resting place. All too quickly, his passion takes the better of him and through time, it is said that the most beautiful garden of all the united kingdom of Fódlan grows on the grave of its greatest king.</p><p>Dedue is found amongst the flower field he grew himself when he passes away. There is no argument when it is decided that he'd be buried there with Dimitri.</p>
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